Man in Black
by Smackalicious
Summary: When Mrs. Mallard is around, no one escapes her attention. Humor. Gen. Oneshot.


**Title: Man in Black**  
**Pairing: None**  
**Rating: K**  
**Genre: Gen**  
**Cat: Humor**  
**Spoilers: None. Set in season 6.**  
**Warnings: None.**  
**Summary: When Mrs. Mallard is around, no one escapes her attention.**  
**Author's Note: Written for channeld. She asked for a fic with Mrs. Mallard visiting NCIS and meeting Vance for the first time. And this is what I wrote. (Also, I'm assuming Ziva's never met his mother? I couldn't remember. For the purposes of this story, it's her first time.)**

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The elevator doors slid open and Tony stepped out, walking into the bullpen, smiling and greeting an attractive woman as he walked by her desk. "Hola, probarino," he said to McGee, tossing his backpack behind his desk. "Que tal?'

McGee looked up from his computer, a slight smile on his face. "Ducky's bringing a visitor in today," he said, and his grin broadened as Tony's face paled.

"Not . . ." he started, stumbling backward to his desk and searching blindly for his chair, then sitting with a thump when he found it.

"Oh, yeah," McGee confirmed, and the elevator dinged its arrival again, causing Tony to shrink back further into his chair, while McGee craned his neck to ensure it was who he thought it was.

They heard Ziva's feminine laugh, followed by another female laugh, this one belonging to someone Tony had only had nightmares about. McGee stood up to greet the ladies, while Tony attempted to hide under his desk.

"Good morning, McGee," Ziva called out as she saw him, a bright smile on her face. "This is Ducky's mother, Victoria."

"Ah, yeah, I'm familiar," he said, smiling at the elderly woman, who had a dazed look of amazement on her face. "Nice to see you again, Mrs. Mallard."

"Oh, look at this nice young man," Mrs. Mallard said, smiling and grabbing one of McGee's hands in hers, patting the back of it. "Jonathon, was it? Oh, it does not matter." She peered around McGee, his hand still in hers, and then looked back to him, asking, "Say, is that Matthew around anywhere? I must say I miss seeing his lovely face."

McGee tried not to laugh as Ziva looked confused in the background. "Ah, I haven't seen Gibbs yet this morning, but I'm sure he'll be here shortly."

Mrs. Mallard grinned up at him. "Good, good. An old lady has needs, you know."

Tony nearly choked on the soda he was drinking, spluttering and coughing in the background, causing Mrs. Mallard to jump and then turn to look at him, her eyes narrowed. "You!" she accused, wagging a finger at him. "I still cannot believe my son works with a gigolo! Goodness!"

As Ziva stifled her giggles behind a hand, a new voice joined the conversation. "What's going on here?" it asked, and the quartet turned to face Vance, who had just entered the squad room, Gibbs right behind him.

"Oh, Matthew!" Mrs. Mallard broke into the silence, coming toward Vance and Gibbs. Vance raised an eyebrow at her and she gave him an equally curious look. "And who are you?" Vance opened his mouth to answer, but then she clapped her hands over his, suddenly smiling brightly. "I do say, are you that man in black?"

McGee leaned in to confer with Tony. "She thinks he's Johnny Cash?" he whispered.

Tony continued to watch the scene in awe, shaking his head. "No, I think she means --"

Mrs. Mallard leaned in conspiratorially to ask Vance, "Where _are _the aliens?"

Tony winced. "Will Smith," he finished.

Vance simply stood there, too lost for words to say anything, until the elevator opened again and Ducky walked out, crying out, "Mother! There you are!" He quickly joined the group, walking to his mother and taking her by the arm and leading her away from Vance, her protesting the entire time.

"But Donald!" she said, swatting at his hand. "He was just about to reveal where he keeps the aliens!"

"Director, my apologies," Ducky said, giving his mother a comforting pat. "I assume no formal introduction has been made?" Vance shook his head slowly, still too amazed to do anything else. "This is my mother, Victoria Mallard. I am afraid she suffers from a bit of dementia, so you will have to forgive her behavior." As he spoke, Mrs. Mallard winked at Gibbs, who tried not to smirk in return.

Vance smiled then. "Quite alright, Ducky. I volunteered at a nursing home while I was in college. I'm afraid I've seen folks worse off than her." He grimaced a bit at the memory, but then smiled again. "Besides, she's quite complimentary." He preened a bit over her comparison of him to the Fresh Prince himself, causing Ziva and McGee to share an amused glance. He then focused his attention on Mrs. Mallard again. "It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Mallard."

She smiled and patted his hand again, then turned her attention to someone else. "Donald, is this the one who is going to give me my grandchildren?"

"Oh, Mrs. Mallard, I do not think . . ."

"_Mother!"_

**THE END!**


End file.
